leifmaplesson.com

‘Hi! Welcome to WaySub! My name’s Ririka and I’ll be your sandwich artisan for today.’ ‘Hey.’ ‘Uh, hi. So, um, the Sub of the Day today is the Sloppy Jalopy. You can have it on rye, Italian herb and cheese, whole wheat, or in a bucket.’ ‘Not interested.’ ‘Ooookay. Then what kind of sub would…

‘You have several hairline fractures, a subcutaneous hematoma in the shape of an L on your forehead, and a bad case of halitosis. I recommend bed rest and a breath mint. That’ll be four-hundred-thousand dollars.’ ‘Four-hundred thousand!? All you did was take my pulse!’ ‘You’re lucky you have a pulse after that little stunt of…

‘You called, Your Highness?’ ‘I called for my knave, not my fool. I should have thought you would have learned the difference by now.’ ‘My most humble apologies, Lady Ririka. It’s just that you have referred to me by so many lovely names, I quite forget who I am supposed to be sometimes.’ ‘Well, let…

‘Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the cringiest of them all? Oh, is that so? Did you hear that, Ao!? The mirror just called you cringe!’ ‘I am not the one talking to inanimate objects, Lady Ririka. Cringe. Now, unless your self-obsession truly knows no bounds, may I make use of the mirror? I haven’t…

‘Let’s go over our defense one more time.’ Kanade looked at her counsel, Ao, and spat at her. ‘I already told you: I’m innocent. Anyone with one good eye and half a brain can see that.’ ‘Kanade, you were caught with fifteen-hundred jellybeans in your possession.’ ‘So? What’s wrong with that?’ ‘There are three dozen…