‘Let’s go over our defense one more time.’

Kanade looked at her counsel, Ao, and spat at her. ‘I already told you: I’m innocent. Anyone with one good eye and half a brain can see that.’

‘Kanade, you were caught with fifteen-hundred jellybeans in your possession.’

‘So? What’s wrong with that?’

‘There are three dozen witnesses who claim to have seen you steal them.’

‘Well, just pay them off.’

‘With what?’

‘Jellybeans, obviously.’

‘They confiscated the jellybeans, you egg.’

‘They WHAT!?’

‘Now you see why we need a solid defense.’ Ao took out a stick of Pocky from the liner of her pinstripe suit and stuck it in the corner of her mouth. ‘We got no beans, no supporting testimony, and hardly a leg to stand on. It’s gonna take the performance of a lifetime from you AND me to get you even a reduced sentence.’ Ao took the stick of Pocky from her lips and blew imaginary smoke into Kanade’s face. ‘Do you understand what I’m saying to you?’

‘You’re saying I’m in the doo-doo and I left my canoe back in Albuquerque.’

Ao blinked. ‘Sure. That’s one way to sum it up. I, however, prefer the more plainspoken version: You’re looking at eight to twenty hours of community service.’

‘You mean I have to be a valuable member of society for twenty hours!?’ Kanade’s voice began to tremble. ‘I’d rather die.’

‘You’re one of those “give me freedom or give me death” types, huh?’

‘I’m one of those “don’t tell me what to do” types.’ Kanade puffed herself up and posed as if for a presidential portrait. ‘So, what do you think I should do?’

‘I’ll tell you what you should do,’ said Ao. ‘You’re cute. You’re seemingly harmless. You can inflame the parental instinct like nobody’s business.’

‘You’re saying I should build a death ray.’

‘No, I’m saying you should butter up the judge by acting like a simpering child who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar.’

Kanade rubbed her chin and hummed to herself. ‘I like my idea better.’

Ao pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. ‘Kanade.’

‘Yes?’

‘When are you going to learn that a death ray will not solve all of life’s problems?’

‘You’re just jealous ‘cuz you didn’t think of it first.’

‘I was too busy going to law school to think of dumb crap like that.’

‘You didn’t go to law school. You went to clown school ‘cuz you’re a clown.’

‘Why would I go to clown school to be a clown if I’m already a clown?’

‘I dunno, but it sounds like something a clown would do, doesn’t it? Clown.’

Just then, the bailiff walked in and announced that court would be in session shortly. A few minutes later, Kanade sat behind the defendant’s desk and Ao stood before the Right Honorable Justice Elizabeth Rose Bloodflame.

‘Your Honor,’ said Ao, pulling a blue rose from her buttonhole and tossing it on the judge’s bench. ‘My client is but a newly hatched chick. She knows not right from wrong.’ Ao handed a box of chocolates to the jury. ‘But she is willing to learn. As the ewe suckles from the teat of the sheep, so shall my client suckle from the udder of morality. No more shall she resort to swiping jellybeans. No more shall she spit in the eye of her legal counsel. No more shall she use rough and uncouth language.’

‘Fuck yeah,’ said Kanade. ‘You’re pretty good at talking shit, Ao. I gotta give it ya.’

‘In conclusion, Your Honor,’ said Ao, without missing a beat. ‘My client is a baby. She need not be punished, but be raised. And might I add that you look absolutely dashing today.’

‘You may,’ said Judge Bloodflame.

‘Thank you, Your Honor. I await your verdict.’

‘Guilty.’ Judge Bloodflame slammed her gavel. ‘I sentence the accused to twenty hours community service.’ She stood up. ‘The court is adjourned.’

Ao collapsed into a chair next to Kanade. She went over everything, straining to find the flaw in her argument, struggling to understand why she had received the verdict she had most wanted to avoid. She was pulled from her pondering by a tug at her sleeve. Kanade whispered into her ear.

‘I told you we should have built a death ray.’