‘Oil change? Lady, this beast needs a whole new undercarriage.’

‘Under-CARRIAGE? Does it look like I’m late to the Diamond Jubilee or something?’

‘It looks like you’re late for death row. ‘Cuz, boy, you’re dressed to kill.’

‘What?’

‘All I’m saying is that you can execute me any day.’

‘An attempt at humour?’

‘No. That was an attempt at your heart.’

‘Well, you missed by a country mile. Are you going to change my oil, or do I have to go somewhere else?’

‘Oh, I’ll change your oil all right. And then I’ll work on your car.’

‘I’m going somewhere else. My lawyer will be in contact with you.’

‘Woah, woah. What’s all this “lawyer” stuff?’

‘It’s what you get when you make unwanted advances toward potentially paying customers.’

‘Lady, last I checked, it was not illegal to flirt.’

‘Quit calling me “Lady”. The name’s “Lui”.’

‘Okay, Lady Lui. Is there a Misses Lady Lui, by the way?’

‘Can I get your name?’

‘It’s Ao. Hey, now that we’re on a first-name basis, how ‘bout you come back to my mom’s house? I make a mean Kraft Dinner. We can watch The Bachelorette together or something.’

‘How about you watch me report you to the Better Business Bureau instead?’

‘That doesn’t sound very romantic.’

‘Justice seldom is.’

‘You know what? I think we got off on the wrong foot.’

‘I’d say YOU got off on the wrong foot and tripped over a cactus into a pile of rattlesnakes on top of a landmine. I am going to RUIN you.’

‘Why? What for? What did I do?’

‘As I said, my lawyer will serve you with a full list of your offences. In the meantime, I will be taking my car elsewhere. Good day.’

‘What a Karen you are.’

‘What?’

‘Huh?’

‘What did you just call me?’

‘I didn’t call you nuthin’.’

‘You did. I heard you.’

‘Lady, you’re losing it. I didn’t say boo.’

‘You called me the K-word.’

‘So?’

‘Ah-hah! You admit it!’

‘Yeah, I admit it, KAREN. Is it wrong refer to people by what they are, KAREN? Would you prefer I kowtow and worship the ground upon which you stand, KAREN? Perhaps I can get my manager while I’m at it! You’d like that, wouldn’t you, KAREN? KAREN, KAREN, KAREN. A KAREN by any other name would smell as sweet. KAREN, O KAREN. Wherefore art thou KARE—OH GOD NOT THE FACE!’

‘I’ll call you an ambulance.’

‘Much… appreciated…’

‘Pleasure doing business with you.’

‘Like…wise…’