-
98.4FM: The Circus
‘You’re listening to 98.4FM—THE CIRCUS.’ *Lion roaring* ‘And I’m your host—’ *Clown falling down stairs into wood-chipper* ‘Omaru Polka!’ *Children cheering* ‘How’s everyone doing? How’s the commute? Truckin’ along? Good, good. Speaking of getting from point A to point B, let’s get this show on the road! HONK-HONK! Okay. The lines are open. Call in,…
-
I Put Twenty-Seven Dollars of My Own Money into Something Called ‘Peko Coin’
‘Kanade! Kanade!’ ‘The heck ya want? I’m busy snarfing shabu-shabu over here.’ ‘You know how you always want money?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Well, I was watching toy reviews on YouTube, and this ad came up for something called “Peko Coin”.’ ‘Ugh. Do we really have to go through this again?’ ‘Go through what?’ ‘Remember what happened when…
-
A Casual Game between Friends
Somewhere, a half-elf and a young woman with pinkish-blonde hair are playing UNO. ‘You’ll never guess what I’m holding, Wamy. I’ll give you a hint: it’s seventeen draw-four cards.’ ‘You’re only holding one card. I can see it.’ ‘That’s cuz that’s what I WANT you to see.’ ‘I’m not afraid of you.’ ‘Many have made…
-
Bug Facts with Nini
“Hello. My name is Nene—I MEAN—Nini, and I am your new AI Companion! Thank you for choosing me. What is your name?” “Hello, Nini. My name is Lamy.” “Nice to meet you, Wamy.” “No, no. LAH-MEE.” “Understood. WAH-MEE.” “No, no. LAH-MEE. L-A-M-Y. Lamy.” “Understood! OPE-AI! O-P-P-A-I. Oppai.” “…” “Are you still there, Wamy Oppai?” “I…
-
Side-effects Include Feeling Blue
Dr Hakui, CEO and sole employee of Konkoyo Pharmaceuticals, had her eyes glued to the old tube TV she had nestled among her aquamarine-filled test tubes. In approximately twenty seconds, the commercial she had filmed to advertise her new experimental pharmaceutical would air. She had paid fifty bucks for the block—a half-minute window on late-night…
-
Your Poem’s Whack and so Are You
It was slam poetry night down at Lui’s. The pub was packed with artistic types and people with an abnormally high tolerance for cringe. Under dull orange stage lights, the mic-stand stood like a mythical sword awaiting the would-be king that would wield it. As it turned out, not a king, but a self-styled Prince…
-
The Candy Ring Hustlers
“Our sales quota is how much!?” Ao re-read the e-mail on her phone. “Two dozen boxes.” Kanade frowned. “And how many have we sold?” “We’ve sold a grand total of…” Ao tapped wildly on her calculator app and nodded as if everything added up. “Zero.” “Zero. You’re sure?” Ao showed Kanade the phone. A giant…
-
The Bottle Explodes
The day Kanata broke Lamy’s bottle of prize-winning winter blossom saké could not have been more ordinary. The trains ran on time; the birds chirped in the trees; the pink coyote was streaming Final Fantasy XIV; all was right with the world. If there was a bad sign spelled out in the stars that day,…
-
A Totally Unscripted Wild West Drama
Two riders, caked in sugar-white dust from the road, smelling of campfire smoke and bad intentions, came galloping into town. From under their oil-slicked wide-brim hats, they eyed the townsfolk as though looking at cattle they had a mind to steal. ‘Reckon we can get you a gorilla-sized cigarillo in one of these sundries shops?’…
-
The Half-Elf with no Human Rights
‘Can I get your name, Ma’am?’ ‘It’s Lamy. Yukihana Lamy.’ ‘Is that spelled with an “F” or a “V”?’ ‘What?’ ‘I’m asking the questions here, dammit! F or V!?’ ‘Uh, um, F?’ ‘Thank you for cooperating. Now, Ms… Um. Wait, what did you say your name was?’ ‘LAMY! L-A-M-Y!’ ‘Are you sure? I have here…