‘When you said “date”, this wasn’t what I had in mind.’

‘What could be more romantic than smuggling twenty boxes of Mike and Ikes into the movie theater for me?’

‘I dunno, a Civil War re-enactment, maybe.’

‘Marine, darling, don’t be so sour.’

‘I don’t see why you can’t smuggle your own Mike and Ikes into the theater.’

‘I already told you: I have a record with these people. One more slip up, and I’m banned for LIFE, Marine. LIFE.’

‘What makes you think I won’t be subject to the same scrutiny that you are?’

‘Are you kidding? Nobody’s gonna search the bag of some old hag like y—I mean who’s going to suspect some peachy young lady like you who’s in the prime of her life? Nobody will bat an eye. You have far too much to lose and so little to gain by sneaking snacks into the theater.’

‘Then why am I doing exactly that?’

‘I just told you: I have a record with these people. I can’t risk it.’

‘Lui, you know this doesn’t make a lick of sense, right? You know that. Right?’

‘I wish you wouldn’t argue so. It’s not like I’m asking for such a big favour.’

‘Oh, I’d hardly call this a favour. This is taking a bullet.’

‘Only if you get caught.’

‘And what if I do?’

‘Don’t.’

‘Thanks. Do you have any other stellar advice for me, or should I just throw myself to the wolves now?’

‘Well, the movie starts in five minutes. I’d hurry up if I were you.’

‘You’re despicable. Yes. Hello. Here’s my ticket.’

‘Ah, “Shiver Me Shin Hair: A Musical”. Excellent choice, Ma’am. That’ll be theater number seven, on the right.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Woah, woah. Ma’am, we have a strict bag-checking policy here at Oozora Cinema.’

‘What? Since when?’

‘Since someone’s been eating Mike and Ikes in my theaters and leaving the empty boxes all over the aisles. But don’t worry. So long as you have no Mike and Ikes on you, there’s nothing to worry about.’

‘And what if I do?’

‘You’ll be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Why?’

‘No reason.’

‘Oh, okay. Well, like I said, Ma’am: I’m going to need to check your bag.’

‘What’s your name?’

‘Subaru. Now, your bag, Ma’am.’

‘Are you the owner?’

‘Yes. Why?’

‘Just curious.’

‘Well, you know what curiosity did to the cat.’

‘What? What’d curiosity do?’

‘I dunno. Helped it live happily ever after or something. Anyway, your bag, please.’

‘Oh! I just remembered. This is actually my date’s bag. I’m just holding it for her.’

‘Your date? But… There’s no one else here in the lobby with us.’

‘What!? Oh, that son of a—’

‘Ma’am, you seem awfully irritated. Maybe it’s best you called it a night. Tell you what, if you tell me which retirement home you belong to, I’ll give them a call and have someone come and pick you up. How’s that sound?’

‘Thank you, sonny dear. That’d be wonderful. Oh, by the way, you wouldn’t happen to know where I can get a firearm around here, would you?’

‘A firearm? Why?’

‘I have a mind to go hawk hunting later.’