‘Hi! Welcome to WaySub! My name’s Ririka and I’ll be your sandwich artisan for today.’

‘Hey.’

‘Uh, hi. So, um, the Sub of the Day today is the Sloppy Jalopy. You can have it on rye, Italian herb and cheese, whole wheat, or in a bucket.’

‘Not interested.’

‘Ooookay. Then what kind of sub would you like today, Ma’am?’

‘I drive.’

‘Huh?’

‘I drive.’

‘Yeah, haha… Good one. Um, so, did you want a sandwich today or…?’

‘Bread.’

‘Bread. Okay. What kind?’

‘Bread.’

‘I know. I heard you. I’m asking what kind of bread you want.’

‘Bread.’

‘Alright. Bread it is. Toasted or not toasted?’

‘Deep fried.’

‘Oh, we don’t do that here—’

‘DEEP. FRIED.’

‘Ma’am, don’t raise your voice.’

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s okay. We don’t do deep fry here. We serve subs. I can toast your bread for you, but that’s it.’

‘HA HA!’

‘Ma’am, do you need medical attention?’

‘No.’

‘Okay. We need to speed this along, then. There are other customers waiting. Toasted or untoasted?’

‘Untoasted.’

‘Alright. Good, good. We’re getting somewhere. What would you like for toppings?’

‘Pickles.’

‘Pickles. And?’

‘More pickles.’

‘Extra pickles. Gotcha. And?’

‘Even more pickles.’

‘Do you want anything other than pickles on this sub?’

‘Have you seen the movie Drive starring Ryan Gosling?’

‘What?’

‘HA HA!’

‘Jesus Christ. Can’t believe I dropped out of med school for this.’

‘I drive.’

‘Do you want anything other than pickles?’

‘More pickles.’

‘Anything ELSE?’

‘MORE PICKLES! HA HA!’

‘FINE! HERE! HAVE ALL THE GODDAMN PICKLES! YOU LIKE THAT? HUH? YOU WANT SOME BREAD WITH YOUR PICKLES? TOO BAD! YOU WANTED PICKLES! YOU’RE GONNA GET PICKLES! SHIT!’

‘…’

‘Are you crying?’

‘That wasn’t very ha-ha of you…’

‘You’re right. It wasn’t. I’m sorry. What’s your name?’

‘Lui.’

‘What do you do, Lui?’

‘I drive.’

‘I bet you do. And what’s your favourite sub topping?’

‘Pickles.’

‘I thought so! Here, I made you something special: A pickle sandwich with extra pickles.’

‘Wow, thanks! How much?’

‘Your total comes to one smile. C’mon, don’t be shy. Let’s see that smile. There it is! Now, you have yourself a HA-HA day, Lui. And drive safe! Bye-bye now! Phew. Maybe I should’ve signed up for military service instead of customer service. It would have probably been easier. Oh well. At least it’s all down hill from here. OH! Lui, you’re back! Why? Why’re you back?’

‘I dropped my sandwich in the parking lot.’