“Our sales quota is how much!?”
Ao re-read the e-mail on her phone. “Two dozen boxes.”
Kanade frowned. “And how many have we sold?”
“We’ve sold a grand total of…” Ao tapped wildly on her calculator app and nodded as if everything added up. “Zero.”
“Zero. You’re sure?”
Ao showed Kanade the phone. A giant zero took up the entire screen. “The numbers don’t lie.”
Kanade squinted. She shook her head and said, “Damn. That explains why we have as many Candy Engagement Rings as when we started.”
“Thank God for math.”
“Ao!” shrieked Kanade.
“What!?”
“We gotta move these rings or we’re gonna get fired!”
“Right. Right.”
“We need a plan.” Kanade furrowed her brow and rested her chin on her fist.
Ao mimicked her. “Oh!” she said, snapping her fingers. “I have an idea!”
“Nice! Let’s hear it.”
“We should sell some of these Candy Engagement Rings.”
“Ao…”
Something about the way Kanade was looking at her made Ao inch away. “No good?”
“Good?” said Kanade. She walked up to Ao and stared up her nostrils. Just when Ao was wondering who’d pay for her funeral, Kanade’s face broke into a warm smile, and she grabbed Ao’s hands and jumped up and down. “It’s great!”
Ao wilted as if a vast quantity of adrenaline had just left her bloodstream. “I’m glad you liked it,” she wheezed.
“Let’s try that house right there!” chirped Kanade, pointing to a purple house across the street. She skipped across the road without looking and mashed the doorbell. Ao lurched after her. Just as she reached the doormat, which read ‘Banchou’, a girl with purple eyes opened the door.
“Hi!” twittered Kanade.
“Yo,” drawled the girl.
“Do you speak English?”
“Bob’s yer uncle.”
“Uh, okay. He’s not, but, um…” Kanade looked at Ao, then back at the girl. “Are your parents home by any chance?”
“Folks’r shootin’ th’ breeze down at th’ waterin’ hole if that’s what yer fishin’ fer.”
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’.”
“Suit yerself.”
Kanade’s face darkened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Not th’ sharpest bulb in the box, are ye?”
Kanade glared at the girl.
Ao bent down and whispered in her ear, “I think she’s saying you’re stupid.”
“Wow. Ye must be th’ brains of th’ operation,” said the girl, deadpan, looking at Ao. “And th’ looks, too.”
“Oh, stop!” tittered Ao. She whispered into Kanade’s ear again. “Did you hear what she said? She said I’m the brai—”
Kanade slapped Ao across the face and grabbed her arm. “C’mon, Ao. Let’s take our business elsewhere.” She turned on her heel and dragged Ao along behind her.
Back on the other side of the street, they had a post-battle scrum.
“I think that went well,” said Ao.
“Well?” snapped Kanade. “That was a disaster!”
“Maybe for you, yeah,” said Ao. “But my self-esteem—already extremely high—is now through the roof!” She took a deep breath, like she were sniffing a bouquet, and exhaled. “I feel like I could sell venom to a snake.”
“Then go sell these stupid things,” said Kanade, kicking at the boxes of Candy Rings. She crossed her arms, puffed her cheeks, and spun away. “I’m done with this crap.”
Ao shook her head. “Looks like some of us have some growing up to do.” This remark made the back of Kanade’s head look even angrier, but Ao didn’t care. “Don’t worry, Kanade. I’ll sell these puppies to the first sap that comes strolling along. Just you watch.”
Across the road was a young woman with silver hair walking her pet hamster. Ao spotted her and cat-walked over and stopped her. “Hey, pretty Mama,” said Ao, licking her finger and running it across her eyebrow. “Are you a katana-user? ‘Cause, boy, do I have the rings for you! They give you plus 5 to Dex and…”
The silvered-haired young woman smiled and equipped a great mace the size of a cruise ship’s anchor from her inventory.
Ao looked back across the street, her face pale. “Run,” she mouthed.
Kanade took a tentative step toward her. “Ao…!”
“RUN, KANADE! RUN AND DON’T LOOK BACK!”
Kanade turned and ran as fast as she could. The ground shook under her feet, and behind her the air quaked like mortars were shelling the earth.
Kanade ran. She ran and never looked back.