\u2018You\u2019re listening to 98.4FM\u2014THE CIRCUS.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Lion roaring*<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018And I\u2019m your host\u2014\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Clown falling down stairs into wood-chipper*<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Omaru Polka!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Children cheering*<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018How\u2019s everyone doing? How\u2019s the commute? Truckin\u2019 along? Good, good. Speaking of getting from point A to point B, let\u2019s get this show on the road! HONK-HONK! Okay. The lines are open. Call in, and let the Ring Master work her magic.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Whip crack*<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Now, don\u2019t everyone call in at once. Haha\u2026 ha. Yup. Lines are open. Lines\u2026. Are\u2026 OPEN. C\u2019mon, first caller! Who\u2019s it gonna be? Who\u2019s it gonna be? Today\u2019s the day. I can FEEL it. Five-hundred and seventy-two days of running this broadcast, and TODAY is the day I get my first caller. Please. I can\u2019t TAKE another three hours of dead-air. I\u2019ve already read Ulysses aloud five\u2014FIVE\u2014times! I\u2019m desperate. I bought a copy of Finnegan\u2019s Wake. If I don\u2019t get a caller in the next thirty seconds, I\u2026 I\u2026 You know what? Screw it. Ahem. \u201cRiverrun, past Eve and Adam\u2019s, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to\u2014\u201d\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Hello?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018OH THANK GOD! Hello! Hello! Who\u2019s calling?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Um, you can call me \u201cK\u201d.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Okay, K. Is there a Mr K?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Nothing. So, what do you do, K? With a name like that, I\u2019m guessing you are affiliated with the Men in Black.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019m a scientist, actually.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yeah, yeah. I, too, have a theoretical degree in physics. Anyway, how can I help you today, K?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Well, there\u2019s something I need to get off my chest. And I thought since no one listens to this show\u2014\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Ouch.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018\u2014this would be a good place to vent.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Vent away, my friend! I\u2019m all ears. Literally. Have you ever seen a fennec fox? They call them the radar systems of the animal kingdom. I can hear your breakfast moving through your digestive tract as we speak! Hmm, sounds like SOMEBODY got their fiber this morning.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I think I know why no one calls in to this show.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Really? \u2018Cause I can\u2019t figure it out for the life of me. Anyway, regale me with the banalities of your so-called \u201clife\u201d, or whatever. Just make it snappy. I\u2019d like to get back to Finnegan\u2019s Wake sometime today, if you don\u2019t mind.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Fine. I\u2019ll keep it short. Basically, I got married to another woman behind my wife\u2019s back.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Move over James Joyce! I got a new fascination and it\u2019s not modernist fiction.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Oh, are you actually interested now?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018My ears are fully erect.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Gross.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Does your wife know about your second marriage?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018That\u2019s the thing. She doesn\u2019t, but it\u2019s only a matter of time. She\u2019s a shrewd woman.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018A shrew, if you will.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I don\u2019t know what that means, but, yeah, sure. The main thing is\u2026 I want them both to be in my life.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018But you can\u2019t have them both.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018It appears that way.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Well, this is a real Gordian Knot, isn\u2019t it? An inextricable web of duplicity, produced from your own spinneret. You are a spider trapped in her own web. How\u2014what\u2019s the word?\u2014ironic.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yes. Thank you for that flattering analogy. I have to say, I don\u2019t feel any better. I\u2019m not sure why I called in at all.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Hold that thought. We\u2019ve got another caller! Hello, hello! Who\u2019s calling?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018This is L.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018From Death Note!?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018No, from the K household. I am K\u2019s FIRST wife.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Oh, wow. And are you a long-time listener, L?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019ve been listening long enough to know that my husband is a dirty, no-good, two-timing\u2014\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Gong sound*<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018And THAT\u2019S all the time we have, folks! Wow! That was a hum-DINGER of a call-in segment. Too bad I only allotted five minutes for it. I would\u2019ve loved to see how the L\/K drama unfolded. But I\u2019m sure we\u2019ll find out on the evening news tonight. Anyway, please enjoy Finnegan\u2019s Wake. Ahem. \u201cWhat clashes here of wills gen wonts, oystrygods gaggin fishy-gods! Br\u00e9kkek K\u00e9kkek K\u00e9kkek K\u00e9kkek! K\u00f3ax K\u00f3ax K\u00f3ax! Ualu Ualu Ualu! Quaouauh!\u201d\u2019 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u2018You\u2019re listening to 98.4FM\u2014THE CIRCUS.\u2019 *Lion roaring* \u2018And I\u2019m your host\u2014\u2019 *Clown falling down stairs into wood-chipper* \u2018Omaru Polka!\u2019 *Children cheering* \u2018How\u2019s everyone doing? How\u2019s the commute? Truckin\u2019 along? Good, good. Speaking of getting from point A to point B, let\u2019s get this show on the road! HONK-HONK! Okay. The lines are open. Call in, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-291","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fanfiction","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=291"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":292,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291\/revisions\/292"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=291"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=291"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=291"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}