Dr Hakui, CEO and sole employee of Konkoyo Pharmaceuticals, had her eyes glued to the old tube TV she had nestled among her aquamarine-filled test tubes. In approximately twenty seconds, the commercial she had filmed to advertise her new experimental pharmaceutical would air. She had paid fifty bucks for the block\u2014a half-minute window on late-night cable\u2014and one-hundred and twenty for acting lessons. As for research and development costs regarding the pharmaceutical itself, she cut those completely by using only the chemicals she already had under her bathroom sink.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the TV faded to black, Dr. Hakui leaned forward and held her breath. A half-second later, an upbeat jingle trickled through the speakers, and she saw herself on the screen, running in slow-motion toward the camera.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThere I am!\u201d she screamed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre you morbidly misunderstood?\u201d said the voice-over, which, naturally, was her own voice. \u201cDo you ever feel like an ugly duckling when you know, deep down, you are a swan at heart? Well, there\u2019s a pill for that. It\u2019s called Copempic. Forget Infinity Stones! Reality can be anything you want with Copempic.\u201d The voice-over doubled its speaking speed. \u201cWarning: May cause leprosy, gout, swelling of the adrenal glands, body odour, Don Quixote syndrome, forgetfulness, forgetfulness, forgetfulness, spontaneous corpse explosion syndrome, and forgetfulness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The screen faded to black, and Dr Hakui saw her own face, eyes glittering, reflected in the glass screen. She leaned back on her lab stool and exhaled. \u201cI knew those acting lessons where a good investment.\u201d She put her hands behind her head and looked up at the ceiling, which was scorched black from her many experimental mishaps. \u201cI wonder if I\u2019ll get any takers.\u201d She looked at her watch. It was well past midnight. \u201cGuess I\u2019ll find out tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As Dr Hakui slapped her hands on her knees and was about to rise from her stool, the door to her lab swung open and clapped against the wall with a bang. A young woman with short blue hair threw her wallet at her and shouted, \u201cI\u2019ll take your entire stock!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr Hakui ducked the wallet and blinked back at the young woman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe commercial!\u201d panted the young woman, crawling on her knees toward the Doctor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr Hakui\u2019s face lit up. \u201cOh! You want to try Copempic.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t know what its like to be so handsome and yet be treated so uglily,\u201d said the young woman, grimacing like a Victorian poet whose poems had been called \u2018pedestrian\u2019. \u201cI\u2019ll try anything if it\u2019ll make people see me for who I really am.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, I didn\u2019t exactly promise it could do that,\u201d said Dr Hakui. She was about to clarify further when the young woman reached out and put a finger over her mouth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShh,\u201d said the young woman. \u201cDon\u2019t ruin this for me.\u201d She slowly took her finger off the Doctor\u2019s mouth and put it on her own and winked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr Hakui, looking physically ill, reached into her lab coat and threw a white paper bag at the young woman, the word \u2018Copempic\u2019 written in Sharpie on its front. \u201cKnock yourself out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThanks, Doc!\u201d said the young woman, studying the bag\u2019s contents. \u201cAny side-effects I should be aware of?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis has been FDA approved and everything, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHow much do I owe you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s on the house.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCool. Mind handing me my wallet?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr Hakui picked up the young woman\u2019s wallet like it were a dead rat and handed it over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOops! Our hands touched,\u201d said the young woman after unnecessarily caressing the Doctors\u2019 hand before taking back her wallet. \u201cHow embarrassing,\u201d she laughed. She arched an eyebrow. \u201cUnless\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPlease leave.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After a troubled-night\u2019s sleep, Dr Hakui awoke the next morning and scrolled through the news on her phone. An article caught her eye. \u201cThe Blue Man Group welcomes its first female member.\u201d Under the heading was a picture of the young woman from last night, looking like she had forgotten something, her skin blue as a sapphire, posing with a troupe of bald men, all of whom were just as blue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGuess I better update that list of side-effects,\u201d said the Doctor. Her face broadened with a smile. \u201cThis calls for a new commercial.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n
[kofi]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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