The day Kanata broke Lamy\u2019s bottle of prize-winning winter blossom sak\u00e9 could not have been more ordinary. The trains ran on time; the birds chirped in the trees; the pink coyote was streaming Final Fantasy XIV; all was right with the world. If there was a bad sign spelled out in the stars that day, the impenetrable blue sky veiled it from view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The day that Kanata broke Lamy\u2019s bottle of prize-winning winter blossom sak\u00e9 was the day after Kanata had moved into her new apartment. She woke up with packing peanuts in her hair and the grid of the bathroom tiles she had slept on pressed into the side of her face. She rubbed her eyes clean of the angel sleep dust that had gathered there over the night and yawned and stretched.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peering through the bathroom doorway, she saw the computer desk she had accidentally built the night before. She had meant to build a bed-frame, but had eschewed reading the instructions and, instead of using screws and a screwdriver, had simply forced the pieces to fit together by bending, impaling, and twisting whatever needed to be bent, impaled, or twisted. Since she could not sleep on what she had created, owing to the many splintered and pointed bits that jutted out at various angles from the body of the object, she decided it would be a computer desk instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With a grin, she appraised her handiwork and went about her morning routine. First, she grabbed an apple and squeezed it over a glass to make fresh apple juice. Then she gently picked up the glass, and it exploded into a thousand scintillating fragments, accented by a fine mist of apple juice. \u2018Not again,\u2019 she said before looking heavenward for answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead of the voice of the Almighty, there was a knock on her door. After fighting her way through a blockade of cardboard boxes, Kanata reached her front door and peeped through the peephole. Through the glass she could see a blue-haired elf grasping a bundle. She chuckled at the fisheye effect the warped lens gave the elf\u2019s appearance; her eyes were spaced far apart, almost on the sides of her head, and her long ears stuck out behind her. The overall impression was that of a donkey suffering from experimental treatment which had involved lots of blue hair dye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After she had herself a private chuckle, Kanata flung the door open wide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Who left this pile of trash on my doorstep? Oh, that\u2019s not trash. That\u2019s Lamy. Hi, Lamy.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Rude as ever, I see. May I come in?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You may.\u2019 Kanata stepped aside and closed the door after Lamy. \u2018Welcome to my humble abode. Please, sit anywhere you like.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Sit? There\u2019s nothing here but boxes and the remains of a car wreck.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Ahem. Actually, that is my computer desk, and I will not have it disparaged, thank you very much.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Computer desk?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Did I stutter?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lamy shook her head. \u2018I think I\u2019ll just stand. I don\u2019t mean to stay long, anyway.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Suit yourself.\u2019 Kanata walked over and sat on a cardboard box, which collapsed immediately under her weight, knocking the air out of her when her backside smote the ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After watching Kanata gasp and suffer for a bit, Lamy said, \u2018Are you done? I don\u2019t have all day, you know.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Stupid boxes,\u2019 grumbled Kanata, getting to her feet. \u2018What are these made of, cardboard?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I wonder. Anyway, Kanata, my good friend, I have, for you, a house-warming gift.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Aw, you shouldn\u2019t have.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re right. But, well, here you go.\u2019 From the brown paper bag she was carrying, Lamy pulled a sleek bottle of sak\u00e9. On the label was an image of her own self, giving prospective buyers a thumbs up. \u2018From my fridge to yours, a bottle of my award-winning winter blossom sak\u00e9. Now, there are a few things I\u2019d like to tell you about this here sak\u00e9. One, it\u2019s meant to be savored, not guzzled. Two, it pairs well with spicy food. I like to call it \u201cthe fire and ice effect\u201d. Three, I took the liberty of signing the back of the label for you in case you want to use the bottle as a showpiece. A little bit of celebrity memorabilia, if you will. Four, you have to handle it with care. This sak\u00e9 doesn\u2019t like to be stirred. Can you handle it with care?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Lamy, please. They don\u2019t call me ol\u2019 \u201cOven-mitts\u201d Kanata for nothing. Hand it over.\u2019 Kanata took the bottle and held it like a newborn. \u2018See? What did I tell yo\u2014\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The bottle explodes.<\/p>\n\n\n
[kofi]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The day Kanata broke Lamy\u2019s bottle of prize-winning winter blossom sak\u00e9 could not have been more ordinary. The trains ran on time; the birds chirped in the trees; the pink coyote was streaming Final Fantasy XIV; all was right with the world. If there was a bad sign spelled out in the stars that day, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-180","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fanfiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/180","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=180"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/180\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":272,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/180\/revisions\/272"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=180"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=180"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=180"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}