Two riders, caked in sugar-white dust from the road, smelling of campfire smoke and bad intentions, came galloping into town. From under their oil-slicked wide-brim hats, they eyed the townsfolk as though looking at cattle they had a mind to steal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Reckon we can get you a gorilla-sized cigarillo in one of these sundries shops?\u2019 said the blonde-haired rider.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Why\u2019s it gotta be gorilla-sized? Why can\u2019t it be a regular cigarillo?\u2019 said the blue-eyed rider.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Quit yer caterwaulin\u2019,\u2019 said Blondie. \u2018Yonder comes the sheriff.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Blue-eyes leaned to one side of her saddle and spat into the dirt. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. \u2018I ain\u2019t got no truck with the law.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You and me both.\u2019 Blondie spat between the ears of her horse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
An officious lawwoman waddled up to the two riders. She stuck her thumbs in her belt and puffed out her chest so that her badge caught the sun. \u2018Girls,\u2019 said the sheriff, tipping her hat. \u2018Fine day for riding.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018It\u2019ll do,\u2019 said Blondie. She spat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The sheriff squinted at the two of them. \u2018You got papers for them horses?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Might have. Might not,\u2019 said Blue-eyes. She spat. \u2018What\u2019s it to you?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018It\u2019s a matter of jurisprudence to me, Ma\u2019am,\u2019 said the sheriff. \u2018As representative of the law in this here town, I cannot abide horse-thievery. Nor unnecessary expectorating.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Blondie spat. \u2018Expector-what-ing?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Blue-eyes spat. \u2018I expect she expects us to quit spittin\u2019.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What!?\u2019 Blondie spat. \u2018Listen, lawwoman. I spray it, not say it. That\u2019s how I am. The world is my spittoon, and if you have a problem with that, well, I reckon our revolvers can hash it out.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The sheriff squinted even harder. \u2018I know who you two are.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Do you now?\u2019 said Blue-eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The sheriff nodded. \u2018Kanade the Kid and Kanata the Cigarillo-smoking Gorilla.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A tumbleweed rolled past. Overhead, a circling hawk let out a lonely cry. But for the three of them, the town had become devoid of life; the townsfolk had bunkered themselves up like ants before a heavy rainfall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018So,\u2019 said Kanade the Kid, beaming, \u2018you know who we are.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018That I do,\u2019 said the sheriff. \u2018There\u2019s a bounty on your heads. Enough to buy this whole town ten-times over.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018And you think you\u2019ll be the one to claim it?\u2019 said Kanade the Kid. She laughed and slapped her thigh. \u2018You? You ain\u2019t nothing. You\u2019re not even famous.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Not yet, I ain\u2019t,\u2019 said the sheriff. \u2018But I will be.\u2019 She hovered her hand over the grip of her revolver and slowly took a few steps back. \u2018Far and wide will the name Subaru Big-sky be known: the sheriff who brought Kanade the Kid and Kanata the Cigarillo-smoking Gorilla to justice.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The air thrummed under the dead heat of the sun. The stark light made skulls out of their faces, grinning with grim intent from under the black shade of their wide-brim hats.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018And another thing,\u2019 said the sheriff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kanade snatched her gun from its holster and chucked it at the sheriff. It bounced off her head, butt-first, the ivory resounding like a gunshot as it ricocheted off her skull and clattered harmlessly into the dirt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Ow!\u2019 screamed Subaru, putting a hand over the goose-egg that was already swelling on her forehead. \u2018Kanade!? What the hell did you do that for?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I threw my gun at you,\u2019 said Kanade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I know you did! I\u2019m asking WHY?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kanade shrugged. \u2018It just seemed like the right thing to do.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018But it wasn\u2019t in the script!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Ever heard of ad-libbing?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I don\u2019t like the script,\u2019 said Kanata, breaking her sullen silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Which part?\u2019 asked Kanade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018The part where my character is a cigarillo-smoking gorilla.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Ah,\u2019 said Kanade, nodding. \u2018You don\u2019t like being typecast. I get it.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What do you mean \u201ctypecast\u201d? I\u2019m NOT a gorilla.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Have you looked in the mirror recently?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kanata yanked her prop gun from its holster and chucked it at Kanade, who ducked just in time. The gun traveled true as a bullet and caught Subaru in the back of the head as she was performing first aid on herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Ow!\u2019 she squawked, rubbing the back and front of her head simultaneously. \u2018That\u2019s it! See how you like it!\u2019 Subaru pulled her own weapon, which was actually a boomerang \u2014 there wasn\u2019t enough budget for three prop guns \u2014 and threw it. The boomerang made a tight loop around Kanade and Kanata and came back and knocked Subaru out cold because she was performing first aid on herself and wasn\u2019t paying attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Wanna get lunch?\u2019 asked Kanata.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re darn tootin\u2019,\u2019 said Kanade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The two of them rode off into the sunset.<\/p>\n\n\n
[kofi]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Two riders, caked in sugar-white dust from the road, smelling of campfire smoke and bad intentions, came galloping into town. From under their oil-slicked wide-brim hats, they eyed the townsfolk as though looking at cattle they had a mind to steal. \u2018Reckon we can get you a gorilla-sized cigarillo in one of these sundries shops?\u2019 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fanfiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=174"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":273,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174\/revisions\/273"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}