\u2018Can I get your name, Ma\u2019am?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018It\u2019s Lamy. Yukihana Lamy.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Is that spelled with an \u201cF\u201d or a \u201cV\u201d?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019m asking the questions here, dammit! F or V!?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Uh, um, F?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Thank you for cooperating. Now, Ms\u2026 Um. Wait, what did you say your name was?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018LAMY! L-A-M-Y!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Are you sure? I have here that you spell your name with an \u201cF\u201d.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018THERE\u2019S NO \u201cF\u201d IN MY NAME!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Then why did you say there was?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Is there another officer I can talk to?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Afraid not, Ms Famy, if that is your real name.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018It\u2019s not. My name starts with an \u201cL\u201d.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Really? I coulda sworn it started with an \u201cF\u201d.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018My foot\u2019s gonna be up your \u201cA\u201d if you don\u2019t \u201cF\u201d off, Officer Oozora.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Is that a threat?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018No, it\u2019s a promise.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I see.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Are you gonna help me or not? I don\u2019t have time to play Scrabble with you like this. I\u2019ve been robbed, in case you haven\u2019t realized.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Robbed!? Well, why didn\u2019t you say so?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I did. Multiple times.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Robbed, huh? At least they left you with your good looks, eh? But I guess time will take those eventually. The greatest robber of them all, that Father Time. You know, I could\u2019ve been a philosopher. Instead, I became a beat cop. Isn\u2019t life funny?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018No, not really. And Father Time will take nothing from me because I do not age.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Damn, that\u2019s some anti-aging cream you must use. Wait. Don\u2019t tell me you\u2019re caught up in one of those miracle product marketing schemes. If you try to sell me any plant-based cosmetics, I will arrest you for being a fraudster. Fool me once, and I will cry myself to sleep. Fool me twice, and I will lock you up for life with no chance for parole.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018The only cream I use is for my coffee. The reason I don\u2019t age is because I am a half-elf.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018A half-wit?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018NO! AN ELF! E-L-F!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Well, this changes everything.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018How so?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Well, for one thing, say good-bye to your HUMAN rights. Right out the window they go.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Woah, woah, woah. You can\u2019t just deny me my human rights. That\u2019s so messed up that you\u2019d even say that.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018But you\u2019re not human!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019m HALF human!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018But how can you have HALF of a human right?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I can have HALF of the rights humans have!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Okay but which ones?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I don\u2019t know. What rights do humans even have?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Beats me.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Aren\u2019t you supposed to know this stuff?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019m a beat cop, not a human rights lawyer.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Listen, are you going to help me track down my stolen goods or not?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I mean, I\u2019m not OBLIGATED to help you, seeing as you have no human rights, but I WILL help you since you are my FRIEND.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018THANKS. I\u2019m not sure why you\u2019re talking like THIS, but I appreciate your willingness to HELP.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re WELCOME. Now, tell me, what items are missing?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018My snow-flower hair ornament is gone. That\u2019s all.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I see. Let me guess, white petals, yellow pistil.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018That\u2019s right! Have you seen it?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019m looking at it.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Where!? Where!?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018It\u2019s in your hair.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018No way!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yes. Way.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Wow. Last place you\u2019d think to look, huh? Thank you, Officer. I never would\u2019ve found it without your help.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Just doing my job, Ma\u2019am. You take care now. Maybe invest in a mirror so this doesn\u2019t happen again, my half-wit friend.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Fuck off.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Okay.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n
[kofi]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u2018Can I get your name, Ma\u2019am?\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s Lamy. Yukihana Lamy.\u2019 \u2018Is that spelled with an \u201cF\u201d or a \u201cV\u201d?\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m asking the questions here, dammit! F or V!?\u2019 \u2018Uh, um, F?\u2019 \u2018Thank you for cooperating. Now, Ms\u2026 Um. Wait, what did you say your name was?\u2019 \u2018LAMY! L-A-M-Y!\u2019 \u2018Are you sure? I have here […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-172","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fanfiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/172","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=172"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/172\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":274,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/172\/revisions\/274"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=172"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=172"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=172"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}