\u2018Mirror, mirror on the wall, who\u2019s the cringiest of them all? Oh, is that so? Did you hear that, Ao!? The mirror just called you cringe!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I am not the one talking to inanimate objects, Lady Ririka. Cringe. Now, unless your self-obsession truly knows no bounds, may I make use of the mirror? I haven\u2019t seen my reflection in five whole seconds and it\u2019s giving me conniptions.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Calm down. You look the same as you always have.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018That is to say, handsome, correct?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018That\u2019s not the word I\u2019d use, but sure.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What word would you use, dare I ask?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Mm, I dunno\u2026Crusty, I guess?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Crusty? You\u2019re telling me I look\u2026 \u2026crusty?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yeah, like you didn\u2019t get enough sleep. Or you did your make-up wrong. Or you went on another champagne bender and passed out in a sewage ditch past the witching hour and woke up after being cursed with premature old age by a crone passing by in the night. You know\u2026 Crusty.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I was not aware the word \u201ccrusty\u201d was the greatest insult in the English language.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018It\u2019s not. Being called \u201cAo\u201d is.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Lady Ririka.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yes?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018There is an ancient Buddhist Japanese proverb I once read about.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You can read?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Hotoke no kao mo sando, is the phrase. Do you know what it means?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I haven\u2019t the slightest clue what it means and even less interest in finding out.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018It means, \u201cyou mess with the Buddha, you get the horns\u201d.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Don\u2019t you mean \u201cbull\u201d?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Pardon?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You know. Like, \u201cYou mess with the bull, you get the horns\u201d.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What do bulls have to do with anything I just said?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What does the Buddha?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018The Buddha\u2019s got the horns!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I thought you said I\u2019d get the horns!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Only if you mess with him!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018But I\u2019m not messing with anyone!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re messing with ME!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018So?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Lady Ririka.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yes?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I have just about had it with your chicanery.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Oh yeah? And what\u2019re you gonna do about it?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I demand satisfaction.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Don\u2019t we all?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Don\u2019t spout vagaries at me as though I were some hot-headed bovine that can be calmed down with the right word softly spoken and a scratch behind the ear.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Whatever you say\u2026 Handsome.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Lady Ririka, I am your servant. Use me, abuse me, do what you will with me. I live to please your ladyship and nothing more.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You wish to please me?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018More than anything.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Then you can please me by not being here.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018And where should I be instead, my Shining Star?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I dunno. Try the pig pen.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yes, my Love. Or, should I say, oink-oink, my Sow.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What did you just call me?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Uhh. Oh! Look at the time. That mud isn\u2019t gonna roll in itself. I had better be off.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yeah, you better.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Too-de-loo! Or, should I say, too-de-oink.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Get out.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n
[kofi]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u2018Mirror, mirror on the wall, who\u2019s the cringiest of them all? Oh, is that so? Did you hear that, Ao!? The mirror just called you cringe!\u2019 \u2018I am not the one talking to inanimate objects, Lady Ririka. Cringe. Now, unless your self-obsession truly knows no bounds, may I make use of the mirror? I haven\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-149","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fanfiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/149","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=149"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/149\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":280,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/149\/revisions\/280"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=149"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=149"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=149"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}