\u2018Let\u2019s go over our defense one more time.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kanade looked at her counsel, Ao, and spat at her. \u2018I already told you: I\u2019m innocent. Anyone with one good eye and half a brain can see that.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Kanade, you were caught with fifteen-hundred jellybeans in your possession.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018So? What\u2019s wrong with that?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018There are three dozen witnesses who claim to have seen you steal them.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Well, just pay them off.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018With what?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Jellybeans, obviously.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018They confiscated the jellybeans, you egg.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018They WHAT!?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Now you see why we need a solid defense.\u2019 Ao took out a stick of Pocky from the liner of her pinstripe suit and stuck it in the corner of her mouth. \u2018We got no beans, no supporting testimony, and hardly a leg to stand on. It\u2019s gonna take the performance of a lifetime from you AND me to get you even a reduced sentence.\u2019 Ao took the stick of Pocky from her lips and blew imaginary smoke into Kanade\u2019s face. \u2018Do you understand what I\u2019m saying to you?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re saying I\u2019m in the doo-doo and I left my canoe back in Albuquerque.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ao blinked. \u2018Sure. That\u2019s one way to sum it up. I, however, prefer the more plainspoken version: You\u2019re looking at eight to twenty hours of community service.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You mean I have to be a valuable member of society for twenty hours!?\u2019 Kanade\u2019s voice began to tremble. \u2018I\u2019d rather die.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re one of those \u201cgive me freedom or give me death\u201d types, huh?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019m one of those \u201cdon\u2019t tell me what to do\u201d types.\u2019 Kanade puffed herself up and posed as if for a presidential portrait. \u2018So, what do you think I should do?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019ll tell you what you should do,\u2019 said Ao. \u2018You\u2019re cute. You\u2019re seemingly harmless. You can inflame the parental instinct like nobody\u2019s business.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re saying I should build a death ray.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018No, I\u2019m saying you should butter up the judge by acting like a simpering child who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kanade rubbed her chin and hummed to herself. \u2018I like my idea better.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ao pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. \u2018Kanade.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yes?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018When are you going to learn that a death ray will not solve all of life\u2019s problems?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re just jealous \u2018cuz you didn\u2019t think of it first.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I was too busy going to law school to think of dumb crap like that.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You didn\u2019t go to law school. You went to clown school \u2018cuz you\u2019re a clown.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Why would I go to clown school to be a clown if I\u2019m already a clown?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I dunno, but it sounds like something a clown would do, doesn\u2019t it? Clown.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just then, the bailiff walked in and announced that court would be in session shortly. A few minutes later, Kanade sat behind the defendant\u2019s desk and Ao stood before the Right Honorable Justice Elizabeth Rose Bloodflame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Your Honor,\u2019 said Ao, pulling a blue rose from her buttonhole and tossing it on the judge\u2019s bench. \u2018My client is but a newly hatched chick. She knows not right from wrong.\u2019 Ao handed a box of chocolates to the jury. \u2018But she is willing to learn. As the ewe suckles from the teat of the sheep, so shall my client suckle from the udder of morality. No more shall she resort to swiping jellybeans. No more shall she spit in the eye of her legal counsel. No more shall she use rough and uncouth language.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Fuck yeah,\u2019 said Kanade. \u2018You\u2019re pretty good at talking shit, Ao. I gotta give it ya.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018In conclusion, Your Honor,\u2019 said Ao, without missing a beat. \u2018My client is a baby. She need not be punished, but be raised. And might I add that you look absolutely dashing today.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You may,\u2019 said Judge Bloodflame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Thank you, Your Honor. I await your verdict.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Guilty.\u2019 Judge Bloodflame slammed her gavel. \u2018I sentence the accused to twenty hours community service.\u2019 She stood up. \u2018The court is adjourned.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ao collapsed into a chair next to Kanade. She went over everything, straining to find the flaw in her argument, struggling to understand why she had received the verdict she had most wanted to avoid. She was pulled from her pondering by a tug at her sleeve. Kanade whispered into her ear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I told you we should have built a death ray.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n
[kofi]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u2018Let\u2019s go over our defense one more time.\u2019 Kanade looked at her counsel, Ao, and spat at her. \u2018I already told you: I\u2019m innocent. Anyone with one good eye and half a brain can see that.\u2019 \u2018Kanade, you were caught with fifteen-hundred jellybeans in your possession.\u2019 \u2018So? What\u2019s wrong with that?\u2019 \u2018There are three dozen […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fanfiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=133"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":281,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133\/revisions\/281"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=133"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=133"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leifmaplesson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=133"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}